Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
