FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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