Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
