We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
