I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize