Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
