Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
