Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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