i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
