I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
