Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Spring semester is just not the same w/o you

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(641): View more from Iowa

literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs

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(515): View more from Iowa

...there is blood under my fingernails.

(515): View more from Iowa

...I hope my roomates are okay.

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(765): View more from Indiana

You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged

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(979): View more from Texas

A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing

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(410): View more from Maryland

It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.

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(714): View more from California

And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!

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(207): View more from Maine

DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!

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