3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
