right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
