She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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