That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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