her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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