I'm eating all of the evidence.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
