Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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