Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
