Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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