Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
