I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize