Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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