just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize