I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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