Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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