clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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