He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
