So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
