he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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