hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
