Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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