Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
