I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
