"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
