Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
