Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
