I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
