Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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