I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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