im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So squirting runs in the family.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
