I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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