i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
