Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
