Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
