Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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