I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
