Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
