i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
