NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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