member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
