I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
