Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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