her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
