please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
