so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
