dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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