y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
