apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
