Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
