Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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