She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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