So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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