are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
3pm strippers are depressing
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
