Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
