I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
