So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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