somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
