I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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